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♥ If you start to notice hitting or see the temptation or curiosity starting to develop, try a preventative approach by staying nearby to catch the behavior before it happens. When a child hits another, we as adults are usually are caught off guard and don't know how to react or discipline. But if the behavior becomes a pattern, it is important to assume that they are going to hit again and we need to be ready to prevent the hitting.
This may sound like a frustrating and challenging task. I mean, who wants to go to a play date where they have to be that "helicopter mom" hovering over their toddler everywhere while the other moms sit and casually chat about their mani-pedi appointments? This is what your child needs you to do. We need to be prepared for one of those mischievous little smirks they give us right when they're about to strike! This is an open invitation for us to come and stop them. Often the child will look at mommy first - out of the corner of their eye, almost as if they're asking "is this okay?" before they hit. They're testing to see what is acceptable and what isn't.
It won’t be long before they learn to stop themselves, learn some self control, if you can be there to gently block the hit and state calmly and confidently, “That's not nice. or Hitting hurts.” You are letting your child know you care about the feelings of others, therefore so should they. Also that you are there for them and will help them to stop doing things that could potentially get them in trouble, or worse, hurt another child.
Give your child repercussions and consequences. If you notice your child has been hitting for more and more lately, it might take them a little longer to acknowledge your forewarnings or to believe you when you say, “We don't hit.” A child might get upset and express emotions over their loss of control of his own hands. Which is ok. Acknowledge their expression of anger and frustration but stay calm and steady in your demeanor. If the child tries to follow thru with the hit anyway, be prepared to end the play date abruptly. This is just as much for his benefit as it is yours and the other children. (...and the onlooking mommies!) You might want to say: “I can see you're having a hard time with hitting today. If you continue trying to hit, we will need to go home and you wont be able to play with your playdate friends.” Then you MUST follow thru on this the very next hit if they hit again. This is an effective approach for discipline in this situation. Of course you will most likely be carrying your kicking screaming child all the way to the car. But stand your ground. (and good luck getting them into the car and getting their seat belt buckled!!) Keep your cool.
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| Copyright Andy Dean Photography |
Speaking of keeping your cool, of course this this goes without saying but the parent should never spank or hit the child when they are in a hitting phase. All this does is teaches the child that it IS in fact ok to hit others. "Do as I say, not as I do" will not work in this kind of situation I assure you. We cannot be hypocrites now can we?
It's pretty common for toddlers to go through a hitting phase. It is not a sign of bad parenting, nor a bad child. It is simply a child crying out for a strong authoritative role model to take their hand and steer them lovingly back on the right path of kindness and compassion. And to teach our little loves that it's not okay to hurt others. ♥
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